Raising kids and being disabled part 1

I'm going to talk about this in a video later. Or at least a little bit. I wanted to write anyway and it took me 4 hours to get my Google all connected and change the name. I cant remember why I made different accounts. Anyway, kids. A topic I have thought about a lot over the years. On one hand, I'm glad my past pregnancy scares were just that. On the other, I've wanted to be a mom for so long. I've been an aunty to plenty of people's kids, including my actual nieces. People have told me I'll be a great mom when it finally happens and I know I will. And everything doesn't necessarily have to be perfect, but I want to at least have my shit together. I'm 30, going on 31 and my life has been a roller coaster. And I have a lot of great memories from my youth, but there were also horrible and terrifying things that happened to me and around me. I don't want my kids to go through even 1% of what I went through. But I know they'll go through something. That's life. Nothings perfect. I just want to give them everything, including things I didn't have. Sometimes I wonder if it'll happen at all. I know it will eventually. I have time. And now that my clotting disorder is gone, it'll be much easier to be pregnant. I also wonder sometimes if I should bother with a partner or just have my kids myself. One of the reasons I think that (I think) is because my parents got divorced (also something I never want to do, hence my issues with marriage) and my mom had to do a lot herself when my dad wasn't around. We would go to his house on the weekends, which I hated because he had a POS house but he did love us and did his best too. We were at her house during the week and between my 2 siblings and 2 cousins, my mom had a lot to do. I did my best as eldest to help. Then I got sick after my dad passed away. And my mom continued to do her best. And I'll love her forever for it, even though we've had our issues over the years. I know raising a kid alone is hard, for anyone. And considering I want more than one, I should probably figure out a whole partner thing first. All of the emotional stuff aside, I always thought (since my health wasn't so great), that it wouldn't be right or fair to have kids. According to the doctors, I won't live long. But, also according to them, I should've been dead 14 years ago. But I'm a miracle. And miracles don't subscribe to Western medicine and their foolishness. The more I think about it, though, the more I recognize that that's a stupid reason not to have them. JUST like not having a partner because I don't want to hurt them either. Or not having friends. Or never leaving the house. These are ridiculous reasons not to live life. And more than that, those are ridiculous reasons not to live a life I love. So, future partner, if you're out there, here I am. Ready, willing and able. Although, I already have someone in mind.