Okay, so I was going to go to sleep, but then I decided to check out the flights again for my trip in October. I leave October 2nd and come back October 28th.
Now all I have to do is figure out how to pay for most of my ticket. Hmmmm.
It's not an easy feat. It's over $1,000. Well, as long as folks are still contributing, it won't be over a thousand for me... it'll probably be closer to $700-$800... much better, but still a lot
But it's a must.
I must go now. It's calling me. It's been calling me for 24 YEARS. It's something I have to do. For my sanity. For my growth. For my blood and my heart and my dignity and my family. To ease the ache in my heart to see where my father comes from and learn all the things I didn't get to learn all this time. I must go. Hopefully enough people will send me contributions and it'll help with the difference. I've gotten some money already and it's been such a blessing. It made me cry every time I got a check and a note in the mail.
I talked to an ex about it the other day. Of course she was unsympathetic. Doesn't understand why I didn't just wait and save the money myself. Why I have to "beg" people for my trip. Why I'm not going back to school with that money.
She doesn't understand why it's important for me. And she doesn't understand why I asked my community to help me either. AND she doesn't understand why this is more important than going back to an institution that hasn't been understanding of my identity or the realities of my life and my world.
Of course I could have waited another 2, 3, 5 years until I may have had enough money. Maybe. And what, am I supposed to ignore the emergencies that happen. Ignore the need of my family here in NYC. Ignore my health needs. No. Things cost money. Things are always going to happen. And if I waited any longer and didn't ask for help... I know... I fucking know I wouldn't see Palestine for a very very long time.
It's easy for her (and many other well-offs) to say that when they don't struggle for money or food on the table. Its never been a problem for her because her family has it.
I don't have the luxury. There is no help for me that way. So I reached out to folks who I know would understand and support. And I got a response that brought tears of joy to my eyes.
I also have to work really hard at getting extra money for when I get back for rent and living and such since I won't be working in October while I'm there. Gotta get enough photo gigs, enough teaching gigs, enough something in the next 7 weeks to make up for October's lack of money.
I'll figure it out. I've always been resourceful in one way or another.
Whether it's massages and/or bartending, I'll make it. I'll survive.
Ok... third time's a charm.
Off to bed... er, uh... i'm already in bed... off to sleep :)... i go
Positive money making vibes coming my way......
No comments:
Post a Comment