I hunger for their lips on mine. I simple caress of skin across skin. Of hands across legs. Of teeth and tongue across neck. I'm frustrated with the need and desire to be close, to stand near, to smell the sweat and scent deep under their clothes. I can't stand to look them in the eyes. I can't.
I am only so strong as my human need most of the time. And my need comes from more than the need of physical touch. It comes from love. Comes from deep desire to be with you. And only you. And you want to share yourself with everyone else because you're scared. You feel your running out of time. What the hell time do you need to be with others when you love me? Why be with others when you love me? Why share your so called limited time with others, when you can share it with me. Why?
I just need a bit of clarity in this sometimes. I need to know why you keep me around. Why you hug me, kiss me, touch me and then go back to talking to others as if I never meant anything to you. They probably don't even know I exist. But I know they exist. I know. I've always known.
And yet. And yet. Stupidly, I love you. Still. I want you. Still.
How sad that is for me. How sad. And how very lonely.
I suppose I should really work on moving on. Really, truly moving on. Because it's not me that you really want. Or anyone else. You want yourself. You want to waste your time looking for something that isn't going to happen. You're not going to change. So why keep my hopes up. You are not going to change. You are not. You will not.
So I might as well let you look by yourself and move on. Really, truly move on.
Because my heart can't take anymore. I can't take anymore. I won't.
And yet, I still wait for you to surprise me.
No matter how old I get, I still feel like a stupid stupid girl in this situation.
Great.
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