....like the weeping willow...

"Blessed is the one who sits in the hands of Aman-Ra...."

Blessed. Yes, blessed.

I walk, keeping my head as high as I can, even if inside my soul, my head is low, like the willow weeping for her lost children, her lost lover. I try not to. I try to be up, be happy. Be. And I get tugged down by certain realities.

And yet. Yet, I find joy, find comfort, find strength in the universe, in my spiritual connection to the earth. It grounds me. Sooths me. Brings me back to center, back to focus. I strive, struggle (not in spite, but because its worth it) to always come back to that center. Helps me stay sober. Helps me stay on point. Helps me be a better person, daughter, sister, lover, friend, me.

But these days it's hard to get to center. I fell of track a little bit. I need to get back. Get back to a blessed positioning.

In the book of Husia, to be connected to Aman-Ra is to be positioned and ready with mind, body, spirit to be blessed. I need to get back in the position to give and receive blessed energy. Divine harmony inside and out.

The woman is the spiritual and the essence that gives birth to the physical. And the man is the manifestation of that spirit and that essence in physical action. Women emanate spiritually what isn't being physically manifested by a man. And when there is a woman who flows better with the physical and a man who is flowing more with essence and spirit, we find our connections, our soul mates. Just as females connect with one another. And males connect with one another. Our soul mates depend on the balance inside of essence, spirit and physical manifestation. According to kemetic teachings.

I found someone who does I feel flows with my spirit and my essence. I wonder if it'll work out later on.

I'm finding my way back to center. Finding my way back to focus. Finding my way back to earth. To universe. To the peaceful position of self and enlightenment.

I need to open my heart back up. Open my heart and my spirit so that I can hear the universe again. So that I can write again. So that I can feel again. Get passed addiction again. Dig deep again. Meditate from the inside out. Address the creator from the inside out. Yes, I will. Yes, I can. I will open my heart, my spirit, my soul, my essence and let the universe back in. Yes. Yes.


Each day I will do my best to greet the morning and greet the night. To meditate and pray and give thanks to all the good things in my life. To be honest with myself and with the universe about my needs. To let my light shine from the inside out for myself and those around me.

It's a process. A struggle yes, but I will truly be active. I can only go up from here.
Hm. You can't grow in the dark, can you? You need light, from the universe, from the creator, from within to show you your way. It is you, though, that shows yourself the way. You need to let the light shine in to your darkness. Yes, let the light shine in and there will be no more darkness. Mirroring the light of the universe. Mirroring the light of the universe. After all, God is change. And the change from dark to light helps bring back growth, life, joy, love.

Creation is Music is sound is melodic is life.

Based on a conversation I had recently.


There's always been music though. Always. It's part of the primal force inside of us. Even the beats of our hearts, the sound our blood makes rushing through our bodies, the bending of joints.

The base in their voices, the wind chime-like sound of their laughter or the pitch... the vibration.. it's there when folks talk.. just have to listen for it...

It's all music

To live and to love living

"I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainty that just to be alive is a grand thing." - Agatha Christie


Living. Its one of those guaranteed things, like Birth and Death, that is going to happen no matter what. How you choose to live. That is the hard part. The unpredictable part. The part that isn't always guaranteed to work itself out. Simply because you have to work with it. Through other people's bullshit, through other circumstances that can't be explained. Through biology. Through chemical imbalance. Through desire. Through passion. Through self destruction.

Yes, it's hard. Birth, Living, and Death. Those are all that is guaranteed.

And like Agatha Christie, I like living. And I have been down to the bottom of the gutters and back in my quest of trying to live. It's all I can do, right? Well, there is more I can do. I can make sure that whatever active choices I make in life are coming from a positive place. Coming from a place that isn't about self destruction. Is about hurting myself or others. A place that comes from love.

Yes, lets hope that I can make it less hard by doing that. And let's hope I can get there on a metro card and a dream.